Tuesday 20 August 2013

For a While Now

For a while now, I have had problems publishing posts here on my blog.

For a change – not technical problems, but a feeling of uncertainty about if the tone of my articles would be right here and right for the fandom.

And this all before the great and - at least from me - hotly anticipated

King Richard Armitage Week 2013

I have kept back many articles I already wrote.
In the end – I must say – I come back to my first position.
This place is for me to develop my ideas and my English.
(I hope you don’t mind or just swap reading, when I don't entirely follow my otherwise strictly obeyed rule: "when you have nothing positive to say, keep your mouth shut".)

In this sense, not all my future articles will meet with all your consent or even will try to find one.
They might reveal more about me or not, but always will be short glimpses of me, not allowing you a complete picture.
Why should you have it any better than I have it myself? ;o)

I am trying to explore my depths, my interests, my abilities, my creativity and the person I am (which might change from day to day, depending on how confident I feel).
This also includes my passions, my anger and my aversions, which, I can assure you, are never directed against a person, but against a bad result that may in my opinion be reached and might have been avoidable. So criticism never is a personal fight against someone, but a fight to achieve something for the better.

I will work through some of my old posts and will try to push them out – when they still contain some relevant thoughts.
As I am no chronicler of RA-world, most things will not have any ‘read-by’-date.
You will most likely know that of me by now, my head strays to whatever it likes, in its own time and on its own schedule.

What made me so very restless lately also was, that I tried to fight my RA-obsession.
I can comfort you - I did not succeed.
But with fascinating RA, how could I ever?
You will more likely ask, why I even bothered to try.

Well, now, that is a difficult topic in itself.
Perhaps, I feared I could fall out of fandom someday and wanted to preempt the sorrow? Do it now and cut the bonds holding me?

Really hard to say why I tried and I can't give you a clear answer to that, except that I always try to not depend on something or at least see and discover the most about the bonds holding me and see what they mean to me, what extent they have, what they make me do, what they can do with me, how far I go and how far they reach, ...

Perhaps, because I feared the bonds could become grey (tztztz - shaking my head ;o) - not that 'grey', just the colour grey) and loose their clear black and white shading and I just wanted to ascertain their clear, undisturbed, pure and wholesome hold over me?

Thankfully, the one constant still is the guarding and nourishing presence in all thoughts, RA.

And I once again accept his status and effect on me, though I still have not totally left my fighting stance to find the borders of his hold over me.

But now that I start to accept my time of fighting, I more easily can go over and celebrate the 22nd and the upcoming

King Richard Armitage Week 2013

(Picture of Richard Armitage is an edited version of this picture - source: RichardArmitageNet.com - by Robert Ascroft)


  1. Many of us have the same questions and uncertainty - trying to ascertain what's going on with us that we have gravitated to this particular activity and this particular man. Some have found answers. Some have been fans before, so they just switched their crushed. Others, like you and me,don't have answers, but I am starting to think the pull of the fandom is at least as strong as the pull of Richard Armitage.

    1. Thank you so much for commenting and please excuse my late feedback, perry.
      Yes, you are right, the interactions with other fans are as important to me as RA himself. The wonderful fandom and the world embracing openness and support are just absolutely addictive.

      A very heartfelt Welcome here on my blog, Perry!

  2. I can certainly understand your quandary of trying to leave the fandom, LOL! I popped back after a year's absence. :)

    1. It is so good to have you back in fandom, bccmee !!!
      I so missed you and hope you have a great and not too hectic time away from fandom.
      All the best wishes to you