And I recognized I already have over 50 draft mails - I send mails into draft status, when I need to answer someone - so I presume that won't change any time soon.
The cake just was so heavy...
So now, before continuing with being late, finally I join the fandom with...
to Mr. Armitage here on my personal blog.
The KingRichardArmitage Week 2013 is going on and the quiz runs fine there (though I am still in need of a 100% answer - there was I thinking I made the quiz much too easy.)
After my last post, in which I revealed my fighting stance, I now must reveal parts of what brought me back to consider that all my fighting was just defense on the outside, while on the inside I am hopelessly lost and committed. I am just trying to come to terms with it somehow and what I am best at is, fighting and being prickly on the outside.
What made me realise that it was a totally hopeless effort and through all the emotional upheaval my fight brought me, the one constant still remained the calming, soothing effect RA has on me.
Why I think every fighting on my side is totally hopeless:
- He is my sole infatuation (Nobody else far and wide, not even a slight interest.)
- I went around town and inadvertently looked into a shop window of an exclusive men's store, exhibiting a male model with an aubergine jacket. My immediate only thought was: "That would look nice on RA."
Considering that I don't even like to select or buy clothes for myself, that really was an astonishing experience ;o)
(The only exception with clothes is selecting a tie for my father, but as he rarely wears one nowadays, the last one I selected was years ago.)
- I feel connected to his dreams. Not that I dream about him - if I do, I mostly can't remember anyway.
But I feel that it is bodily and mentally important to me and my life that he can reach his dreams.
The fighting helped me a bit to determine and dissect the totality, the mega-importance, draw it into question, look at it from all sides, could the effect be broken somehow, why was it there in the first place, what could be done about it,..
Why his dreams, not somebody else's? Why this and not something which would help me? Why does he take precedent, when I could use a bit of that importance for myself?
Why is it so important to me that he gets where he wants?
The sole answer I so far came up with is:
Part of why I want him so much to reach his dreams is, because I continuously and always need to fight hard for every small bit I want to reach. If luck could look the other way, in my case it certainly does. So what I want I am well prepared to work hard to get it.
After all those experiences, I just want to make it a tiny bit easier for him to reach his dreams.
So my belated birthday wishes are:
May all your happy dreams come true!
King Richard Armitage Week 2013
(Picture of Richard Armitage is an edited version of this picture - source: RichardArmitageNet.com - by Robert Ascroft)